THE most common question I get asked when I tell others about my daughter’s Autism diagnosis is “How did you know?”
A first-hand encounter with what to look out for with Autism
I’m going to be honest, I never looked at her and thought “Hmmm, looks like she has a bit of Autism”. The truth is that, while there are some common indicators, everyone can display them differently. The first thing you’ve got to take note of is that most evaluations for Autism are based on boys. Now, before we join hands and chant “down with the patriarchy!” what needs to be understood is that girls are better at hiding their Autistic traits than boys. It’s easier for girls to mask* than boys, especially since their behaviours aren’t as apparent as that of boys.
So, before I start your journey into accepting that, knowing one person with Autism means you know one person with Autism, I’ll let you in on how I knew…I didn’t. My daughter met all her milestones, responded to her name every now and then and even started talking at the required age. At the age of three though, I noticed that her peers were a lot more expressive with their language, would engage in responsive conversations with their parents and peers and played with each other, rather than alongside one another (better known as parallel play).
I suspected we might be in for a neurodiverse journey
when she would display no fear, climbing up counters and tables, falling off and then trying again. I also noted that she had become a picky eater, didn’t like certain clothing textures, and would go have meltdowns more often than other children her age. These meltdowns would be inconsolable too, no amount of soothing would calm them.
Eventually, we were a year away from her starting Grade R. Her teachers started noting that she couldn’t sit still in class, refused to follow instructions, and preferred to be inside rather than outside during playtime. I was reassured she was “just being a child”, my instincts told me differently, but I didn’t want to be labelled the neurotic mother.
Then, there was the Sardinia Bay incident.
Picture this: we scale the dunes of Sardinia Bay. Me with a little four-month-old strapped to my chest, my husband with our, then, four-and-a-half and two-year-old daughters. We played in the waves and headed back to the car, over the steep dunes. My eldest daughter decided that she still wanted to play, so she took her little four-and-a-half-year-old legs, ran back over the dunes and proceeded to play in the waves while I ran hopelessly behind her shouting for her to come back. I’m not a runner, nor am I fit. I was four months post-partum. If TikTok were around, I probably would’ve gone viral.
So, after nearly tearing every muscle in my body and working in an entire lifetime of cardio, I realised that she was, in fact, not “just being a child”. I booked her an appointment with a clinical psychologist and started her diagnosis journey, cleverly disguised as a school readiness assessment. You see, she wasn’t delayed in all the obvious ways. She also didn’t walk on her tiptoes or not respond to anyone, which has always been seen as the typical indicator of Autism in children.
My rule of thumb has become: if you suspect something, it doesn’t hurt to have it checked out. You don’t make a big thing about it, you don’t tell your entire network you’re taking your child to a psychologist because you think something’s wrong (nothing’s wrong by the way, you’re just about to uncover that your child has a few superpowers). You calmly take your child for a general assessment, where you can voice concerns and let the professionals determine what support they need.
It’s scary and painful and nerve-wracking and reassuring all at once. It’s creating a path forward for yourself and your child, no matter the outcome. It’s also learning, through the support of others, that nothing’s really wrong, just different.
So, if you need peace of mind or a way forward, follow the links below for some of the things to look out for. We’ll chat about the next step in the next 041Minds insert. Until then, keep it spicy, keep it different and know that you are never alone.
*mask/masking: to mask or asking refers to hiding your authentic self in an effort to gain greater social acceptance. https://www.masterclass.com/articles/what-is-masking
https://autisticgirlsnetwork.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/Keeping-it-all-inside.pdf
https://www.autismspeaks.org/what-are-symptoms-autism
Nicole Mohamed is mom of three humans, four furbabies and wife to an overgrown kid who is also, low key, a grumpy old man. Being diagnosed ADHD, she has a variety of interests and does extensive research into so many different topics, with really big words, that she’ll forget a month later but will recall in an instant in conversation (it’s a superpower really).
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