Inside a recent 041online webinar, we unpack why being the strong one makes self-love complicated and how to shift toward self-trust instead
If you have ever felt like self-love does not come naturally to you, you are not alone.
On 19 March, a self-love webinar hosted by Alethea Ross, co-hosted by Eleanor Douglas-Meyers, and featuring a special session by Emily from Secret Sunrise, explored why this experience is so common, especially among people who are used to being dependable, capable and constantly relied on.
One of the strongest themes to come out of the session was that the people who carry the most responsibility are often the ones who struggle the most with slowing down and choosing themselves.
When being the strong one becomes your identity
For many, being responsible is not just something you do, it becomes part of who you are.
Over time, people begin to take on roles such as the fixer, the peacekeeper, the emotional support system, or the person who holds everything together.
While these roles are valuable, they can quietly shape how you see yourself and what you believe you are allowed to need.
When your sense of identity is tied to being needed, rest can start to feel uncomfortable. Taking a step back can feel unfamiliar, and choosing yourself can feel like you are doing something wrong.
The hidden rule many people live by
During the webinar, a concept referred to as the hidden contract resonated strongly with attendees.
It often shows up as internal beliefs such as feeling valued only when you are useful, or believing that if you stop, everything around you might fall apart.
These are not always conscious thoughts. They are patterns that develop over time, often from earlier experiences where being helpful or capable created stability or connection.
As a result, even when you logically know you deserve rest, your body can respond with resistance when you try to slow down or set boundaries.
Understanding guilt when you start choosing yourself
Guilt is one of the most common emotions that comes up when people begin to prioritise themselves.
However, guilt does not always mean that something is wrong. In many cases, it is simply a sign that you are stepping out of an old pattern and into something new.
When you begin to say no, create space, or take time for yourself, you are changing expectations, both your own and those of the people around you. That shift can feel uncomfortable, but it is often part of growth.
Reframing self-love as self-trust
One of the most important takeaways from the session was the idea that self-love is not always about big, visible actions.
Instead, it can be understood as self-trust.
It is about listening to your internal signals before you reach a point of burnout, responding to early signs of exhaustion, and making small adjustments before frustration or resentment builds.
This shift moves self-love away from something that feels overwhelming and turns it into something practical and accessible.
Starting with small, realistic changes
Rather than encouraging drastic changes, the webinar introduced the idea of a five percent shift.
This could be something as simple as taking a short break, asking for help, delaying a response, or setting a small boundary in your day.
These small changes may seem minor, but over time they build a stronger sense of self-trust and create space for more sustainable ways of living.
Reconnecting with your body
A key part of the session, led by Emily from Secret Sunrise, focused on reconnecting with the body.
Instead of pushing through exhaustion or ignoring internal signals, attendees were guided to pause and notice what their body was communicating. This included recognising feelings such as tension, fatigue, restlessness or calm, and learning to respond to those signals earlier rather than later.
This practice reinforces the idea that self-trust begins with awareness. When you are able to recognise what your body is asking for, even small adjustments can become more intuitive and supportive.
A gentle reminder
The core message of the webinar was simple but powerful.
Self-love does not require a complete life overhaul. It often begins with small, intentional choices to support yourself in ways you may not be used to.
Sometimes it starts with a quiet decision to not abandon yourself, even on an ordinary day.
Looking ahead
This was the second self-love webinar hosted by the team, and it is clear that these conversations are resonating.
There is a growing need for spaces that move beyond surface-level advice and offer practical, honest tools for navigating real life.
As more sessions like this are explored, the focus remains on creating conversations that feel relevant, grounded and genuinely helpful.
Because self-love is not about becoming someone else. It is about learning how to support yourself in a way that feels sustainable and real.
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