Fine Print mentee Thabile Msomi reflects on the pressure to have life figured out in your twenties, the milestones we use to measure ourselves against others, and why being “behind” might not mean being off track at all.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought: “Wow, they’re already married… they’ve bought a house… they have their dream job?” And yet, here you are: the same age, and you are still trying to figure out your life?
If you have felt like that, you are not alone. I have felt like that too… well, I still do.
Somewhere along the way, society convinced us that by the time we reach our twenties we should have everything figured out: our careers, finances, relationships and even our purpose in life. But what if that is not true?
When It Feels Like Everyone Is Ahead of You
I know this feeling because I have experienced it myself. After finishing matric, I had to repeat Grade 12 because I had not achieved the results I needed. I eventually passed, but I then had to take a gap year because I could not get into university.
During that time, I would see my former classmates sharing pictures of themselves at university, starting this new chapter of their lives, while I was still trying to figure out how to get there. I felt behind and as if I was running out of time.
When I eventually got into university, they were graduating. Instead of being proud of finally making it, I found myself comparing my journey to theirs and wondering why it had taken me so long to get there.
I didn’t graduate when I had hoped to, either. At one point, I felt so overwhelmed by how delayed everything seemed that I wanted to give up, drop out and simply go back home.
It was difficult watching people I had started university with reach milestones that I was still waiting for. I had qualified to go to university, but circumstances beyond my control meant that I had to wait, and that delay made me question whether I was still on the right path.
When “What Do You Want to Be?” Stops Being a Fun Question
From a young age we are asked questions like: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” As a child, it’s fun, but once you become a teenager, this question becomes more serious. By the time we reach our twenties, we are expected to already have all the answers… which, let’s face it, many of us don’t have yet.
Then there are the added pressures of social media, with peers posting their graduation pictures, starting businesses and going on luxury holidays, which makes it feel like everyone is moving up and on in life except you.
The Highlight Reel We Compare Ourselves To
We are expected to have “made it” because of the pressures from social media, our families and friends or peers.
But one thing we should remember is that we are comparing our everyday life to someone else’s highlight reel, and it is a lot of pressure to assume or think that everything we see on social media is true.
People do not post about the rejections, the crying behind closed doors because of a failed test that might cost them their degree, the meeting that didn’t go well or their financial struggles, right?
Your Career Does Not Have to Follow One Straight Line
One of the biggest pressures we experience in our twenties is our career. Many of us believe that we must choose one path and stick with it forever.
Unfortunately, life and the country’s youth unemployment rate do not work like that at all.
People change careers, they go back to school and they discover passions they never knew they had. While others may find success in their twenties, some only reach their success at 40, 50 or even 60.
Success does not have an expiry date.
Our twenties are often a time for learning, making mistakes and discovering who exactly we are, finding our passions and not trying to prove that we know everything.
So, What Is a Quarter-Life Crisis?
There is a name for some of what young people experience during this period: a quarter-life crisis.
It describes a period of uncertainty and questioning that can happen as young people navigate adulthood, careers, relationships, finances and their sense of identity.
It is not necessarily a clinical diagnosis, but the feeling behind it is real. Research has found that young adults can experience a significant fear of growing up and the responsibilities that come with adulthood, although these fears can lessen as people gain experience and become more sure of themselves.
In South Africa, the Pressure Comes With Another Reality
And perhaps the pressure feels even more complicated in South Africa.
According to South African statistics, the youth unemployment rate for people aged 15–34 stood at 47.4% in the second quarter of 2026.
That means for many young people, falling behind is not necessarily a result of a lack of ambition or preparation. Sometimes the opportunities simply aren’t there.
We are told that by our twenties we should have a stable career, be financially independent and perhaps even be thinking about buying a home. But how realistic are those expectations when almost half of the country’s young people who are part of the labour market are unemployed?
Maybe Being “On Track” Looks Different
Instead of trying to have our entire future or life planned out, perhaps we should focus on growth rather than perfection.
Being “on track” in your twenties does not mean having everything figured out or reaching every milestone at the expected time. It means taking intentional steps: learning, growing, trying, failing, starting again and becoming more aware of the person you want to be.
Our journeys will not look the same, and they’re not supposed to be.
It’s not whose footsteps we follow, but whether we keep taking our own, even when we cannot see the whole path ahead.
Because perhaps being “on track” is not about knowing exactly where you are going, but knowing each step is helping you become who you are meant to be.
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