041Culture writer Mvume Ndimba explores the striking similarities between job hunting and dating, revealing the hidden truths behind LinkedIn dreams and workplace realities.
I don’t really speak about my day job in this column. You see, our editor and owner of 041 Magazine, Eleanor, encourages us to maintain a facade that she pays us enough to walk the earth as writers who need no additional income. Well, I’m here to blow the lid off and expose her vicious lies.
Of course, I’m just playing. There’s no such rule, and Eleanor (despite being a short woman) is not some evil tyrant who demands secrecy about our work lives. It’s just a really boring topic to write about.
I could tell you about my job, the crazy people I work with, and how we almost made my section exec cry at the last national conference because he was so blown away by our praise. But let’s be honest—no one cares.
Most of us are stuck in jobs we don’t like, where we’re undervalued and disrespected. Some of us are unemployed, scrolling through LinkedIn, watching recruiters praise candidates they rejected twice before finally hiring them. Others are victims of HR tactics that rob them of fair salaries, only for the company to lose out on top talent by trying to save a buck. And let’s not forget those job scams that tell you to show up at a random building in Johannesburg with a police clearance and R250 for “processing fees” (don’t go—it’s 100% a human trafficking ring).
The more I look at the job market, the more it mirrors the dating market. The people who seem to be thriving—those in high-paying, fulfilling jobs—are often just highlighting the good parts.
We never saw them struggling to make ends meet on a stipend before their promotion. We didn’t see them return to school to improve their qualifications. We weren’t there when the CEO was quietly asked to step aside so new blood could take over.
Lately, my phone won’t stop ringing. Recruiters are reaching out left and right, offering me positions I had been searching for years ago. And I can’t help but wonder—why now, when I’m actually happy?
If you’ve recently entered a relationship, this might sound familiar. Suddenly, old flames check in, new admirers appear, and for the first time in forever, you’re the prettiest person at the party. Everyone wants a piece of you.
The job pool, much like the dating pool, gets weirder as you age. A friend of mine just interviewed at a company where the entire panel was Black and Coloured—something she had never seen before. It was refreshing to her, knowing she could be herself.
She currently works for a company that is, let’s say, a little lighter than pink, where she’s forced to speak Afrikaans daily—a language she reserves for moments of extreme frustration, like when someone forgets to change the toilet roll. Her company doesn’t offer retirement benefits or medical aid contributions, spinning it as “more cash in your pocket.” But if this approach is so great, why do higher-ups receive full benefits?
In dating terms, she’s with a man who doesn’t see a future with her. He enjoys her company but won’t invest in her growth. Her employer is the equivalent of a partner who refuses to take the relationship to the next level.
Having recently left a company that liked me for the now but didn’t want to build a future with me, I understood her dilemma. But in the end, it’s her choice.
She also reminded me how tough it is out there for a single woman in her 30s. Most men her age are divorced, “still married but it’s not serious,” or “living with the mother of their children for financial reasons.” Similarly, once you hit a certain age in your career, it gets harder to find a job that values you. Many just want to waste your time or use you as a placeholder until their ideal candidate arrives.
Just like those #CoupleGoals Instagram accounts, LinkedIn sells you a dream. The perfect work-life balance, the ideal job with remote options, the “competitive salary” that they mysteriously can’t disclose. And don’t forget the financial gurus—just like love coaches—who promise success if you just buy their course.
The more money I make, the more I realize there is no formula.
You can be a good man who loves and respects his woman and still end up alone. You can be a dedicated worker who never leaves a task unfinished and still be passed over for promotion. It’s a mix of luck, determination, and consistency. Even then, your dream job or ideal partner might still see you as a placeholder.
To those job hunting, don’t be afraid to take less than you think you deserve—you might be pleasantly surprised. To those in jobs they’ve outgrown, dig in, demand that raise, push for that promotion, and force your fortune to change. But never be loyal to a company that won’t show you loyalty in return. Only you know your tolerance for disrespect. If your company is treating you poorly, you know what needs to be done.
I’m not saying this advice applies to love as well—but I struggle to see how it wouldn’t.
Also, if someone tells you to meet them at Pavilion Office Park, 12 Wessel Road, Rivonia, Sandton—don’t go. It’s probably a trap.
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