In conversation with our esteemed 041Editor the other day, I realised something: we were all better parents before we became parents. Or to put it another way, most of us had ideas of how we would parent that ended up falling by the wayside pretty quickly once a real-life baby entered the picture.
For me, there were a few little things but nothing I felt about quite as strongly as a dummy, or a pacifier if you’re fancy. I was firm that we would not use a dummy to silence our baby because crying was only his way of communicating that something was wrong, and it was our job as parents to fix the thing that was wrong instead of trying to keep him quiet.
I’ll give you a minute to stop laughing.
Then I’ll tell you that my child lived exactly one full day on this earth before he experienced the soothing joy of a pacifier in his mouth. I’ve heard a lot of judgement on the topic since, but believe you me, I will never judge another mother for letting her kid use one.
I checked in with some of my 041 colleagues to see if they had similar stories:
“Screen time and no fast foods. Needless to say, I failed on both accounts, but have become more tech-savvy and engaged so they have quality screen time and balanced healthy relationships with food.” – Faziela, mother of two boys, aged 8 and 10
“I thought I’d be way more strict on screen time, but my son can often be found playing games in addition to watching YouTube while listening to Spotify; on the upside he seems to have a knack for tech and uses his phone for animating, coding, teaching himself new languages, and it’s all due to me being super lax on that screen time thing. On the flipside I liked the idea of being a bit of a Pinterest mom, complete with curated outfits and pretty lunch boxes, but sensory issues killed that dream; now everything he eats needs to be dry and bland and everything he wears needs to be soft and not busy.” – Eleanor, mother of an 11-year-old boy
“I thought screen time would be limited, JOKES! We use it to eliminate chaos but it’s also helped with speech, especially shows like Ms Rachel. I thought I’d be the hot mom in heels with behaved kids but now you’ll find me in flats or takkies, chasing kids in malls, usually outnumbered and needing security guards to help me out. I also thought my emotions would be together but more often than not, I’ll stop on the side of the crowd to cry out loudly with all 3 of my kids who throw tantrums at the same time.” – Lwando, mother of two girls (aged 6 and 3) and one boy (aged 4)
“I thought I would always be “in the know” with regards to how they feel, what they are thinking, their opinions, etc. But I sometimes get overwhelmed by the information overload (especially when it involves discussing why Hulk turns green, for example), so I definitely space out a lot in the middle of a “mommy did you know?” conversation.” – Luchae, mother of four
“I have two little girls, because God’s sense of humour is unmatched. When I imagined being a parent I thought I would be very strict on what media my girls consume, specifically music. The music I enjoy is not exactly child-friendly and the same can be said for their mom, although to a lesser extent we both enjoy music that isn’t exactly conducive to deep, introspective thought, instead it lends itself more to shaking a$$. My eldest (9) started with the kiddy music and educational bops for a while until she started following her own path and now finds herself DEEP in a K-Pop chokehold… The baby (<2) is still too young to really know what she likes but she can’t hear a Sexxy Red, Glorilla or Flo Milli song without dancing along. I must say however that I am glad they have their own specific taste; I am a “classically” trained (albeit rusty) musician so it’s wonderful to hear what they like and what they think is cool without judging or shutting them down for their personal choices.” – Mvume, father of two.
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