COME on single moms, you know our mantra with regard to deadbeat dads. It’s usually something along the lines of: “You can’t expect to be honoured on Father’s Day if you’re not actually fathering the child!” There, I said it. And hey, I’m not talking about simply donating your reproductive organs towards creating another human being. There, I said that too.

Father’s Day, to a single mom of a kid with a dead-beat dad, is a non-event… a day spent rolling your eyes and/or crying your heart out (kid’s age dependent).
But what if the dad takes his role as “daddy” very seriously, but you’re too heartbroken to see? What if he loves the child and makes effort to be in the child’s life, but he hurt you? I was in this exact position a few years ago. And I knew that my baby daddy did not tick all of the “dead beat dad” boxes, but I could not celebrate him on Father’s Day. In my mind, he did not deserve a Father’s Day. And to be honest, it had nothing to do with the type of parent he was.
Okay word vomit alert, here’s the truth: I did not want him to be celebrated because I was hurting. And if I’m hurting, then he should feel discomfort too. My own hurt and anger clouded my judgement and instead of acknowledging what my boy needed, I only saw my own pain.
And the thing is this, single moms, we don’t mean to make our hurt and anger the most important thing in our lives. But when we choose hurt and anger, over the happiness of our children, then we kinda put the pain on a pedestal.
We give the tears a tiara and wonder why it’s ruling our lives.
I had to learn how to choose forgiveness and joy, instead of wallowing in self-pity. I mean, healing is a process… it’s something that we need to own before we even have it. I had to walk in my healing and allow my boy to celebrate his daddy on Father’s Day. I can’t imagine the amount of damage I would have done if I chose my bitterness over my child’s happiness.
We are all on our own journey. Our family dynamic and relationship history may not look the same. And I’m not saying that the way I did things will work for you. But if you’re not sure about where you’re going with a situation, take a step back and re-evaluate your motive and your heart. Because some things may feel good at the moment, but it could create a lifetime of heartbreak.
Luchae Williams is a multi-award-winning parenting blogger and mom of 5. Her Blog My Spreadsheet Brain focuses on parenting, marriage and faith with a healthy dose of Humour. Luchae is also one of the founders and hosts of #ECMeetUp – an annual bloggers conference held in the Eastern Cape. Follow her on Instagram Facebook TikTok
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