Someone can reply to messages, laugh at jokes, post on social media and make plans for the weekend while quietly struggling. This World Suicide Prevention Day, NOMNDENI MOTHA writes about why we cannot always rely on visible signs of distress, and why sometimes simply checking in
September 10th is World Suicide Prevention Day and we are yet again given the opportunity to talk about a subject that sometimes feels taboo. The current theme, “Changing the Narrative on Suicide,” calls for exactly that: normalising conversations that can save lives.
These conversations are critical in our country because the World Health Organisation lists South Africa as having the fourth-highest suicide rate in Africa.
A challenge that most of us face is identifying what suicide risk looks like. Naturally, we imagine someone who is visibly falling apart. Someone who is sad, cries all the time and is in despair.
It can look like that. But sometimes it doesn’t.
Sometimes a person who is struggling and is at risk of suicide continues to lead a normal life. They still reply to messages, laugh at jokes, post on social media and make plans for the weekend.
Human beings can become very good at functioning while hurting. So good that people around them fail to notice it. Think of the colleague who is always first to crack a joke on a Monday morning, or the friend who never forgets birthdays. And then on an ordinary Tuesday, they’re gone.
“But they seemed fine”
This is one of the lines we hear most often after a suicide. People struggle to understand how somebody could have taken their own life when they seemed “fine”.
People hide emotional pain for many reasons. Some do not want to worry the people around them. Some fear being judged or treated differently. Others have become so accustomed to carrying difficult emotions privately that saying “I’m fine” becomes almost automatic.
Some people may feel like no one around them cares enough to listen or help. And sometimes a person simply does not know how to explain what is happening inside their own head and heart.
This is why we cannot rely on visible signs of distress before deciding that someone needs our attention.
Strength can become a strange kind of disguise. When someone has always managed difficult situations, we start assuming they always will.
So check on the friend who hasn’t complained.
Check on people when they don’t have problems.
You don’t need the perfect words
Even when we know someone is struggling, all too often we hesitate to check in because we don’t know what to say.
But supporting someone does not require a perfect speech. A few words that show you care are often enough to make someone feel seen. The most important thing is listening.
We rarely have solutions for the people we love and that is okay. You don’t have to try to fix the situation or offer a relatable story. Just listen.
There is something powerful about being given space to speak about your situation and your feelings. Being heard can dramatically reduce the emotional burden.
And if YOU are struggling
Do not wait until things become unbearable before asking for help. Struggling does not have to reach some level of seriousness before it becomes worthy of support.
Tell someone: a friend, a family member, a colleague, a therapist. Someone you can trust.
Most importantly, remember that regardless of what you are going through, you matter and you are loved. No one else can offer the world what you bring.
For additional support, you can also find free mental health resources in Nelson Mandela Bay.
Where to get help
If you or someone you know is struggling right now, SADAG runs South Africa’s only suicide crisis helpline that is toll-free and operates 24 hours a day:
SADAG Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0800 567 567
SADAG:
0800 212 223 (8am to 8pm)
0800 121 314 (8pm to 8am)
SMS 31393
Lifeline South Africa: 0861 322 322
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