THIS 041Minds insert is more of a personal piece than anything else. Mostly because, at the moment I feel much like the poor soul in Stevie Smith’s well-known poem. But first, some background.
Two years ago I was officially, diagnosed with ADHD. It was actually a relief when I was diagnosed more than it was a negative experience. I have learnt more about myself over the past two years than all the 35 (I think that’s right) years I’ve been alive.
While I’ve never liked to admit it, my diagnosis has made me realise one of the worst traits I own: I’m a people pleaser. Now, while this seems like an admiral personality trait, and everyone dotes on helpfull people, it becomes a bit detrimental…to me. Worst of all, it starts to affect my family, because I ultimately end up in Neurodivergent Burnout-also known as ADHD or Autistic Burnout.
A research paper, led by Dr Dora M. Raymaker, on the topic, is headed perfectly: “Having all of Your Internal Resources Exhausted Beyond Measure and Being Left With No Clean-Up Crew”: Defining Autism Burnout Published Online:10 Jun 2020
Now, I don’t have an Autism diagnosis for myself but, with navigating my child’s Autism and my own ADHD, I’ve found the two neurological disorders to share many similarities.
Here’s my experience-we’ll go into the facts after. I am a relatively, intelligent person. Not a genius, nor book smart, I can’t rattle off a string of facts, but I’m not too bad as far as intelligence goes. I also take an interest in quite a few things, except pro wrestling (much to my husband’s disappointment). I learn things quite quickly and, sometimes, I can think quite creatively. These are all very good things to be, admirable even. The problem lies in; I don’t know when to say ‘no’. Not to the point of risking my safety, but definitely to the point of risking my sanity.
Years of wanting to fit in, wanting to be liked and wanting to function “normally” has led me to create this guise that I can do, and handle anything…except running, I’ve drawn the line there.
This has become even worse since having children. Juggling motherhood and trying to earn a living and support my family over the last nine years has been my personal tipping point. But, so many other women get it right so, surely I should. I’m educated, willing to work and will always try to find a way to navigate my home and work life. Except, I don’t. In the last few years, I’ve found myself in positions where the tasks start piling up, the portfolio expands and it’s usually my family that bears the brunt while my colleagues wonder why I’m performing 10-15% less than I was before. Simply put, I’ve used all my internal resources, but my outward appearance isn’t showing it. On the outside, I’m waving. Inside, I’m drowning.
In a blog post by Insights of a Neurodivergent Clinician author, Megan Anna Neff on Neurodivergent Burnout, she identifies the following common contributors:
- Masking
- Having social/sensory needs minimized by others due to appearing “fine” (i.e. masking)
- Not having access to the appropriate level of support and accommodations
- Executive Functioning fatigue following a number of stressors or transitions
- When the overall load exceeds abilities + supports = burnout
On how to recover from burnout, she suggests the following:
- Attend the sensory! Moving in ways that feel natural and good, reducing sensory load, and engaging in sensory activities that are restorative.
- Spend time unmasked (again, masking is consistently one of the highest predictors of burnout).
- Ensure appropriate accommodations are in place (at school, work, etc.).
- Practising good boundaries in relationships (we have fewer spoons).
- Engage in activities that are enlivening (special interests, passions, time alone, or with those whom you can safely unmask).
- Support healthy rhythms by prioritizing healthy sleep hygiene, routines, and practices.
And, as I always say, just be kind. Not all of us are as capable as the next. At least, not all the time. Some need more assistance and don’t know how to ask, or are afraid of the response or consequences if they do.
If you’re in burnout right now, it’s okay. You are nothing less because of it. You’re still as amazingly spicy as you were before, it’s just time to take a step back and evaluate your boundaries, reprioritise, take note of the awesome things you have accomplished, and realise that; if you were THAT awesome ALL the time, you would be a superhuman and the world is not ready for that.
Take note of who’s really important. The fact that you’ve exceeded expectations at work, doesn’t really mean anything when you’ve neglected your support system. Exceeding expectations at work and amongst your peers, doesn’t really mean anything when you aren’t taking care of yourself.
Drop that mask, let people know that your brain can’t right now and if they come back at you with negativity, use that superpower that allows your mind to wander to every other place but here.
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