We’ve all heard it “takes a village” to raise a child, but if we’re lucky, the chiefs of that village are the grandparents – always ready to grab an opportunity to babysit or help out writes ODETTE PARFITT.
In honour of Grandparents Day which just passed at the end of July, I contemplated how fortunate I’ve been to have my parents around to support my journey as a mother, and how some young parents do not have this luxury. Then I spoke to some friends who have had to manage raising families while living far from their grandparental support system.
“The biggest challenge is the feeling of doing it all on your own,” shares Petrina Burke, mother to Koa (5 months old). “At such a young age, I’m cautious about letting others babysit Koa, and having [all the grandparents in Johannesburg] means we can’t easily rely on them whenever necessary. It would be reassuring to drop Koa at Granny’s if an emergency came up but we do not have that luxury.”
Koa’s grandparents are only able to visit two or three times a year, but Petrina says they make a point of keeping them involved in Koa’s life. “We make it a point to video call each grandparent daily. This way, they get to see Koa’s adorable milestones and chat with him, keeping the bond alive despite the distance. That relationship is incredibly important to me. The connection between grandparents and grandchildren is precious.”
She was fortunate to have her parents around right after Koa was born, Petrina adds. “I’ll always treasure how my dad supported me during those sleepless nights in the early weeks—he’d come and keep me company, reminding me what an amazing mom I am. That support meant the world to me.”
Sherie van Wyk, originally from Gqeberha, emigrated to New Zealand in January shortly before giving birth to her son Colby in March this year. She makes an effort to stay in touch with both sets of Colby’s grandparents via a WhatsApp group for the family, where they can share photos, videos and updates – in addition to daily video calls.
“As a child, I remember how exciting it was to spend time with my grandparents,” says Sherie van Wyk.
“I think the role of a grandparent is such an important one, and they know how to help with our little people. The most challenging has been to [miss out on] having a little in-person guidance as a first-time parent, and having grandparents miss out on milestones as they happen.”
For Alicia Wright, mother to 5-year-old Lika, the biggest challenge has been the lack of help on standby.
“There are no babysitters close by if you just need to go out quickly,” says Alicia.
“They also miss out on a lot of the day-to-day things, especially with toddlers who develop new skills and tricks almost daily.”
Alicia lives in Riversdale in the Western Cape, while the two sets of grandparents are in Kariega and Despatch.
“I have very fond memories with my grandparents and want my children to also have the same,” she says. “I also find that kids value the time you spend with them more than any gift, and my daughter loves just playing, talking and spending time with her grandparents. It’s the quality time that makes all the difference.”
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