I don’t know how to break this to you, but your cute little poppet will want to go on a date one day. Like, romantically. With another person. That is not you.
I know – dating! Aaack what is this life?! Are my children not aware that I need them to stay as young and innocent as possible, forever?!
Okay, okay, everyone calm down. Let’s take a metaphorical woosah, and chat about this rationally.
Kids grow up. There, I said it. Your cute little poppet will eventually grow up to be a smelly teenager who devours a loaf of bread in one sitting (seriously, how do they get that right?!)
They grow up – and we want them to. We want them to grow into well-adjusted, responsible young adults, who make wise decisions and are emotionally intelligent.
And so, when the teenage years come, and they are curious about dating and wanting to get into an (age-appropriate) romantic relationship, it’s my duty to hear them out. Here are a couple of other things I’ve learnt about dating and the teen:
Validate their feelings
Teenagers are like mini-adults and the best thing you could do for your mini-adult is to validate their feelings. Let them know that you GET them. I mean, hands up if you’ve done something forbidden behind your parents’ backs. *raises all the hands* Yep, those were my hands. All of them. I’ve been there and I don’t want my children to feel as if they must go down that route too. An open chat about how it’s okay to like someone and admire qualities about them will even create a deeper bond with your kid!
You don’t need to act on it
But with that said, your teen should know that liking someone is okay, but you don’t always have to do something about it. Peer pressure and the “prescribed norm” ages our kids way too fast. So, while it’s okay to have friends, you don’t have to label it or put time-specific expectations on your relationships. I mean, let’s not even get into “cuddling”. My aching mama heart! But, friend, talking about sex (and using the word “sex” – don’t sugarcoat it) is important! I was a teen mom – a great little nugget that I can throw into the convo when I chat about premature sex and unprotected sex.
Lay down the law
Once all the mushy stuff has been said, I also must lay down the law. There are certain rules in our home that must be respected. My kids should know what our expectations are. It might also be a great idea to chat about the age that you feel is appropriate for them to start bringing home boys and girls. But they should also know what is expected of them if they eventually get into a romantic relationship. A great idea is to talk about what it even means to be in a relationship. Relationships can be hard to maintain and looking after someone else’s heart is a huge responsibility. You are raising someone’s first love and/or someone’s first heartbreak! I take that very seriously.
Pray!
I figured that this last one right here is the most important. I can’t always be with my kids but I know that God can. So I pray that they will make good decisions and I pray that they will be leaders in their sphere of influence and not followers who easily succumb to peer pressure. If you are a praying parent, it would also be a good idea to pray WITH your kids. It helps them to take responsibility for their feelings and actions.
Luchae Williams is a multi-award-winning parenting blogger and mom of 5. Her Blog My Spreadsheet Brain focuses on parenting, marriage and faith with a healthy dose of Humour. Luchae is also one of the founders and hosts of #ECMeetUp – an annual bloggers conference held in the Eastern Cape. Follow her on Instagram Facebook TikTok
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