Overwhelmed by the World and Tuning Out
So I took a brief break from writing as I had become totally overwhelmed by all the mess in the world. Watching and reporting back had become tiresome, I no longer enjoyed the chaos and conflict anymore and instead became quite disillusioned with the state of the world and the future of our great nation….
But I’m back on my bullshit and I’m ready to talk about my new favourite thing… The dating scene!
Not in the Market, Just Observing
Now to be clear, I am NOT in the market and have no desire to meet any of you… I’m sure you’re all lovely, but my baby-momma has long arms, long legs, and can fight… So I’m speaking from the perspective of a conscientious observer, almost like if Jiminy Cricket were real, but not a giant coward.
A friend of mine (friend NOT “friend”) had recently been contacted by an ex… She never really mentioned this man’s name to me because I don’t care, and he apparently has a kid who plays soccer in the same league as my kiddo, so for the sake of peace at the Sunday kick-off, I asked to learn nothing personal about him.
Long story short, buddy has decided that after the break-up (3 years ago) he wants to reach out to my good sis, bemoaning his situation, crying about his financial situation and in essence doing what men do when they know they’ve fucked up on a good woman. Buddy is a business owner in this city and has a large home in an affluent neighbourhood in PE, my friend, his then girlfriend, had helped him out a lot during their relationship with small financial things like dates or groceries to larger financial things that increase property value and generate additional income for buddy, he came back to my friend asking for money while not sharing any of the money he was getting from the investments my friend made… Anyways, big sis drew a deep, long line in the sand after he contacted her and made her position clear where he was concerned… so naturally he had a good cry in front of her to try tug on a couple heart strings, kick the tree a little and see what drops down. This is not unusual at all.
Ugly Crying, Chaos, and Consequences
If you’ve ever dated a man or been a man, you know when the mess up is big enough… he will cry, ugly-cry… that’s the last resort of a sane man… the crazy ones send you videos of them attempting to take their own lives (one day I’ll tell you about THOSE stories). But in essence… when the you-know-what hits the fan, men are just straight up embarrassing. Speaking as someone who’s been laid up with your ex, watching the videos you sent her, threatening to take your life while your other hand is clearly visible, holding the belt around your neck, I can confidently say that when it reaches that point, men are embarrassing!
The last time I got caught cheating was no different… After she learned of my infidelity, she had called me to come over and “talk” (read: attempt to wake as many neighbours as possible after forcing me to make promises I had no intention of keeping)… We talked, I cried (silent thug tears though, I’m a pussy, not a wussy), she forgave me and we made beautiful, sweet love that night. All was well in the world… until she decided to go through my phone in my sleep and found that same “bitch” I told her I would never speak to again, telling me she loved me right before I arrived at her place.
This was a long time ago, when phones were still thick, so the sensation of a first-generation, touch-screen Samsung hitting my face at full speed naturally woke me from my slumber…
The feeling of the winter air on my bare legs as I ran out of the house still haunts me to this day, the long and silent drive home at 2 am in July never leaves my thoughts, the feeling of climbing into an empty bed when you were JUUUUUST laid up next to something soft made me feel like I was the size of an ant in the ocean… truly traumatic stuff ladies and gentlemen.
But that was just part of the game, I felt. As a 21-year-old man, I had known that this came with the territory and I had to just charge this loss to the game… it was what it was.
I shared that story with you all because I honestly believe that every man needs to experience that… to feel the sensation of fear, knowing that you have only a few seconds to get out of there before she remembers where the knives are. Looking into your woman’s eyes and realising that she was not there anymore, instead, she is replaced by a sea of white-hot rage bubbling behind her eyeballs… You need to feel that before you settle down, and a lot of my brothers never felt that, and it shows.
When Conflict is a Foreign Language
For example, just last week I was in a location I cannot describe, performing a task I cannot explain, when a person whose name I cannot mention entered my vicinity.
I was expecting a visitor, and that person who’s name I cannot share was there to meet the visitor as well. Me and the gentleman I cannot name had not seen eye to eye for some reason or another, but something about this fellow just irked me for some reason, he was the type of person who loved the sound of his own voice more than he loved his own wife (I’ll explain later).
Anyways, in comes our visitor. A tall, lanky Afrikaans man with a touch of grey where his youth used to be. Good and well, me and the Afrikaans guy did what we had to do, and once we were done, we had lunch…
And this is where that lack of experience comes in… My other unnamed visitor, after doing absolutely nothing worth the price of his flight, began speaking to my Afrikaans visitor. Starting off calm enough, the unnamed fellow began attempting to drive the conversation. Fortunately for me and my temper, nobody was entertaining that man and responding only to be polite. Until he said it…
Stomach full of free food, Mr. Nameless leans back in his chair, rubs his stomach and prepares his statement with the tact and finesse of a sledgehammer tied to a rhino horn;
“You’re a farmer, right? Do you believe there’s a white genocide in this country?” and suddenly it clicked…
Suddenly, I understood why I disliked this person… suddenly it made sense… he was just a dickhead… a dickhead who never had to handle a volatile situation like this before… As I prepared to change the topic,c the Afrikaans gentleman answered in a diplomatic and calm tone. Explaining to the gentleman that, no, there is no genocide per se, what is happening is far more sinister (I don’t know if he’d been reading my column or not, but he and I found some common ground on this point)
But that wasn’t enough for the nameless man, oh no, the nameless man wanted to be the centre of attention so badly that when he saw that the white genocide topic wasn’t getting the desired result, he switched gears to the tried and trusted homophobia, making an unprovoked and irrelevant statement so idiotic… I will now quote it verbatim:
“I believe we are approaching a time where we must introduce our partners with their gender, like this is my male-wife.”
At this point, I was about all out of patience, quickly shutting down his statement, I explained to a 45-year-old man that:
- Wife and Husband are already gendered pronouns, it would be idiotic to further qualify these terms; and
- You’ve clearly never spoken to any queer people in real life and that’s why this statement feels profound to you.
Once more, waffling and rambling, the nameless man continued his push to get a reaction out of the room. Nobody was biting.
He then went on a 2-minute rant about how as a black man (he’s black by the way) people always accuse him of acting white (nobody ever accused him of that, he made that statement unprovoked) because he has white friends (everyone has white friends) and he lets them call him all kinds of ugly names as a joke…
That last part gave me serious pause because wtf you mean there are white people in your life who can call you the k-word to your face and you find it funny????
I really disliked this fellow… But in thinking about this man, I came to a really simple conclusion… This person has never experienced real conflict. This person has never actually been in danger of losing their life so they think they can say whatever they want, call it a joke and everyone must just get over it…
So What Does This Have to Do With Dating?
Simple… that IS the dating scene…
After 30, dating for men is easy because most women are self-sufficient and don’t really need much from you besides a little effort, dick and nice time.
But for the ladies? Oh, you guys have a struggle on your hands. The men you have to choose from are all married, damaged from a divorce, bitter from a youth of rejection and insults from the fairer sex, addicted to porn, drugs or alcohol or just plain dickheads… that’s what you have to choose from…
The dating pool is a shallow puddle and no matter how carefully you tread in the puddle you WILL come out with shit on your shoes…
To those of you currently in a relationship that might not be 100% what you want, but your emotional, sexual and esteem needs are being met, DO NOT LEAVE THAT MAN.
Finances will change, that’s the nature of money, it flows, so if it isn’t flowing in his direction, but he’s trying things and making plans and making progress, even if it’s a little 10k increase a year, stay there for your own sake, because I promise you… There is pee in the puddle.
In closing, I just want to say thank you to each and every one of you who read my column. I’ve missed all 12 of you dearly, and I promise if I go missing again, I either died or got in trouble with my female girlfriend.
Stay blessed, drink water and mind your business ❤️
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