As part of Fineprint’s Women’s Month reflections, this piece by Margo Kuselo asks a question that feels both timeless and urgent: can women really do it all – and do they have to?
Women worked hard to be able to become part of the workforce, to be leaders and to claim their independence. According to Statistics South Africa, the labour force participation rate for women rose from around 38% in the 1990s to over 50% by 2020. With all the progress that women have made, a lot of pressure followed.
The rise of women participation in the workplace did not relieve women from household management responsibilities. Women were now being fully integrated in the workplace but were also running their households full time.
I grew up in the 2000s, and I remember being subjected to many “superwomen” like content. It was everywhere in the magazines and on television. Women doing it all. Being a homemaker and a boardroom powerhouse. This seemed like the dream—finally women had the freedom of managing a fully functioning household and being at work 8 or more hours a day. This has created an image of perfection that is almost impossible to achieve.
The reality is that we often have to make difficult choices between our careers and our family responsibilities. Preparing for an important presentation the night before or helping your child with a school project. These are all choices that seem small but have a significant impact over time. The constant juggling and balancing act can become exhausting and lead to feelings of anxiety and fears of falling short.
Women feel constant guilt for not being able to do everything, everywhere, at the same time. No matter how accomplished you are, the feelings of guilt find a way to creep in.
We need to normalise asking for and accepting help, if available. Not being able to do everything does not make us weak, or less powerful. In fact, we show our strength by being open about needing assistance with our daily load. It is important to establish boundaries in various aspects of our lives. Boundaries help us to preserve our energy and protect our wellbeing.
We sometimes feel compelled to say yes to everyone as to avoid disappointing people. However, it is in being firm with our boundaries that we teach others how to respect our time and limits. This helps us be more present in our day-to-day by not overcommitting, which leads to less exhaustion.
By setting boundaries, we create space for rest. It is okay to take a breather every now and then, to allow space for healing, joy, and creativity. Rest is required, not earned. When we deny our bodies rest, our minds and bodies suffer, regardless of how productive we have been.
Once we start to honour our need for rest, we can ask ourselves: “What does rest look like to me?” “In what ways can I prioritise myself without neglecting my responsibilities?”
This is where selfcare comes in. Selfcare is more than just having our nails done or booking a spa day. It can be taking a break from social media for a day. It can be spending time with people that make you feel less stressed, or just reading a good book.
I read a book two years ago, The Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes. In the book, Shonda refers to a commencement speech she made at Dartmouth College in 2014:
“… as a very successful woman, a single mother of three, who constantly gets asked the question ‘How do you do it all?’ For once I am going to answer that question with 100 percent honesty here for you now. Because it’s just us. Because it’s our fireside chat. Because somebody has to tell you the truth.
Shonda, how do you do it all?
The answer is this: I don’t.
Whenever you see me somewhere succeeding in one area of my life, that almost certainly means I am failing in another area of my life.”
For me, this is a bold reminder that when we speak openly about our personal and professional struggles, we create a platform for honest and vulnerable discussions. We create community and we eventually realise that our struggles are universal, and that we are not alone.
It is in building communities that we are able to push for change in workplaces, policies, and cultural norms by using our collective voices.
Women can do it all, just not all at once, and that is okay.
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